I'm Teaching a Photography 101 Class in Warwick, RI. Come!

December 18, 2013

Great news for fellow photography-lovers!

WHAT: Photography 101 Class with Bethany

WHEN: Saturday, January 25th, 2014 2-4:30pm

WHERE: Best Parenting Shop Ever (Bellani Maternity, 1276 Bald Hill Rd, Warwick, RI)

WHY: Because you have a nice camera and you're not using it to it's potential. Or you love photography but feel intimidated by it. Or generally you are just awesome and enjoy hanging out with other awesome people in awesome places.

HOW MUCH: $99

HOW TO SIGN UP: Call 401-345-4177 or email bethany@bethanyo.com. Or call or sign up at Bellani. You have many options.

I plan to JAM PACK as much good info and light-heartedness as I can possibly pack into these two-and-a-half hours! Don't miss it!

FAQ's

Can I give this as a gift to someone?

Absa-freakin-lutely. You can and you SHOULD give this as a gift to someone. We'll even give ya a gift card to give 'em. How 'bout that?

Aperture, shutter speed, and the rest of those shenanigans are SO CONFUSING. Do you like to make things confusing?

I'm so glad you asked, Hypothetical Question-Asker. No, I do not like to make things confusing. I like to make things fun. I took a similar photography class at the ripe young age of 15, and the teacher made things so confusing that I didn't attempt to learn photography again until almost another 15 years had passed. I won't do that to you.

Do I need to have a fancy camera to take this class?

No, the concepts we'll be covering will apply to all photography captured by all cameras, including iPhones. If you do not have a camera, though, the class is going to leave you WANTING a camera, because of the extended control the DSLRs [i.e. "fancy cameras"] give you over your camera settings. Consider yourself forewarned.

Do I need to bring my camera with me for class?

It's encouraged that you bring your camera so that you can familiarize yourself with the controls and settings we'll discuss, but this is not a workshop, so a camera is not necessary.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Honestly, has no one gotten to the bottom of this yet? Woodchucks DO chuck wood, don't they? Is this a test?

Which lens do you recommend for a beginner learning photography?

If you're a Nikon shooter, get this one. That lens is not only an incredible value, it also lays the smack down on all other lenses as far as learning lenses go; I'll tell you why in class. For Canon shooters, I recommend this lens, which is almost as good. :) You do not need to have either of these lenses for the class.

I don't receive any kick-back if you purchase those lenses, in case you were wondering.

This class is being held at Rhode Island's best pregnancy and parenting shop. What if I'm not a parent, or I am not interested in photographing kids?

Do not fret yourself, sweet grasshopper! All are welcome, and this particular class is not specifically about photographing kids. The concepts we will discuss apply to all types of photography, which may or may not include children, depending upon your preferences.

Will you cover XYZ topic in class?

This class is going to be a discussion of basic photography concepts: shutter speed, aperture, ISO, how they interact, tricks for how to deal with difficult shooting situations, concepts that can improve any photo, etc. If you are wondering about specific subjects that will or will not be covered, feel free to email Bethany.

What about refunds?

Since seating is limited, we are unable to offer refunds or exchanges for tickets purchased for this event. HOWEVAH. You are welcome to sell or give away your admission in the unlikely and frankly insane event that you change your mind about attending. Kinda like a concert ticket, you know? Only better.

Should I sign up sooner...or later?

SOONER, for shizzle!! Spots are limited. I think it was Abraham Lincoln who once said, "You snooze, you lose." Or something like that.

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I Did Not Get Punched in the Face. (Also: Some Thoughts on Beauty.)

December 17, 2013

I did not get punched in the face.

I found it helpful to start most of my conversations with that sentence last week, answering the question that was inevitably in the pucker of everybody's lips.

At first I thought I was saying this as a way of breaking the ice for people, but then I realized I was saying it for ME because what I REALLY wanted was to answer the question that I was AFRAID was on peoples' minds.

That question, of course, being, "Did you get a nose job?"

Listen. I got 99 insecurities, but my nose ain't one.

By telling people that I did not get sucker-punched, it opened the floor for me to say that I had a chunk of (non-scary) cancer removed from my nose, which, in my mind, translates directly to, "no, I did not get a nose job."

I'm going somewhere important with this post but hang on tight because we're going to take the back-way there.

Owen was out of town on the day of my surgery, and when he got home, I had just returned from a day at the office and a whole lotta errands looking exactly like I did in the above photo.

"I'm proud of you, Honey," said he. "I think a lot of women [he surely meant 'people'] would have done anything to avoid going out in public like that. You are ballsy. I love that about you."

I did not take this as the backhanded compliment that it appears to be in print. I took it as a fabulous compliment.

I puffed my chest like a rooster. He is right. In the best way possible, I've got metaphorical cajones when I need 'em.

I have the potential to be extraordinarily brave. And I love that about me.

But I wasn't being brave when I went out in public looking like that. I ENJOYED going out in public like that. I was not scared, so it was not brave.

Let's look at three relevant points:

Fact #1: I care a lot about what people think of me…as a person. I care TOO MUCH about what people think of me as a person. It an unhealthy sign of insecurity (and also of an unruly amount of kindness and empathy) how much I concern myself with what people think of me as a person.

Fact #2: At this point in my life (key words "this point"), I truly do not give a sh*t whether people think I look pretty.

Fact #3: Rereading fact #2 is distressing to me because I typed it mindlessly, and when people say they "don't give a sh*t" about something, they usually in fact give many sh*ts about that thing, which explains the strong language.

Sh*t.

Let's figure this one out. I haven't seen my therapist in a while, so I can think of no reason why I shouldn't hash this one out before a vast audience of peers and strangers, can you?

Let's begin, then.

The reason I was under the impression that #2 was a fact was because I enjoyed going out in public like that. I enjoyed it for the same reason I sometimes enjoy dressing sloppily in public. It's a good filtering process, you know? Helps to remove anybody from my life who might think that my worth (or any person's worth) has anything to do with whether or not I or they dress pretty, for crying out loud.

It feels like a gentle way of flipping the birdy to the Judgy McShallowtons of the world.

Which is why I was under the impression that I don't care what people think of my appearance.

But if the opposite of love is not hate but indifference, then the opposite of vanity is not using sloppiness as a middle finger to the world.

The opposite of vanity might be indifference. But more likely, the opposite of vanity is LOVING the McShallowtons and McChauvinists, who suffer because they can't see truth.

But definitely, the opposite of vanity is self-love.

I'm rolling my eyes at my own epiphany over here. [For the love of all things holy, someone tell me--PLEASE--that we have not landed on the self-love card again!!] After all the time and money and vulnerability I have invested in trying to learn self-love, how is it not yet instinctual for me to be loving towards me? Why is there still anger there??

I guess I know where that subconscious passion about this topic--that quiet desire to flip off the world--comes from.

Some of it comes from knowing that for many years, my happiness in a given day had a lot to do with how much my thighs rubbed together that day, how voluminous my hair looked, or how many compliments I did or did not receive that day.

I'm angry that I gave my power away like that.

But this isn't about the past, is it?

I STILL give away my power. I give it away every time I value someone else's opinion of me more than I value my OWN opinion of me. I give it away whenever I concern myself with other peoples' perception of my business, my photos, my written words, my parenting, my decisions.

That's where the anger comes from.

It's not the WORLD I want to stick it to. It's the critic inside of me that I want to flip off.

That's why I enjoyed walking around in public looking like I just stepped out of a boxing ring last week.

It was liberating. And it made me look tougher than I felt.

I sat down to write a much different post than this today. But when I let the words flow, I write--not what I plan to write--but what I need to write.

I think we all are maybe a little too concerned with how we are publicly perceived. I think the success of social media is pretty much spawned by this fear.

When my kids grow up and inevitably become concerned with their appearance, I want them to know what I believe. I believe that self-love and letting ourselves shine is the ONLY thing that will determine our "beauty."

I want my children to know that when they let themselves shine, NOTHING can stop them from being magnetically radiant…not even a punch in the nose.

I want you to know that, too.

And me.

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Announcing Awesomeness: Last-Minute Holiday Mini-Sessions

November 9, 2013

Bethany O Photography - OFFICIAL LOGO

Announcing...

Awesomeness.

Hey, now. We* have some big news up in here today.

Firstmost, if you're reading this, it's because either you've hired me in the past, or you're interested in possibly hiring me, or we share DNA and you are thereby obligated to receive my emails forevermore.

Either way, thank you. Thank you for being wonderful. And thank you for believing in me.

Which brings me to the exciting tidings of today...

BAM.

Mini-sessions**.

And Good LAWD, are they ever a deal.

Let's discuss.

What You Want.

Based on feedback.

It's November. Nat King Cole is already on the radio singing about which way he prefers to roast his chestnuts.*** You know the holidays will be here any minute and you've already inserted your palm into your forehead because you MEANT to book a photo session when it was warmer.

I hear ya.

I know you still DO want to book that full session next year, and you're saving your pennies for that.

In the meantime, you just need one good photo of your family (or your kids, or yourself) for a holiday card. Or for a frame at home. And one at the office. Maybe you want a couple other prints for gifts for Grandparents.

Let's do this thing, my good people.

How Will It Work?

You meet me at a tree farm in South County. We'll bang out 20 minutes of good fun and photos.

Maybe you tag a tree afterwards. If your holidays don't involve bringing perfectly good trees into your home, maybe you can just enjoy the great outdoors afterwards.

Maybe grab a hot chocolate.

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Then What?

Magic, that's what.

Within a week of the session, I'll post 15-20 GORGEOUSO images in a private online gallery for ya.

You pick your fav.

From that favorite photo, I will then give ya:

Three gift prints, 8x10 or smaller.

25 Holiday Cards

THE DIGITAL FILE. So you can print it as many times as you want. Pepper your walls with them and such. Or use 'em as gifts, if that's more your flavor. Digital files are usually priced at a premium!

The whole package is a $545 value. But I'm offering it for $195.

It's a holiday MIRACLE, is what it is.

What If I Want to Buy More?

Can I do that?

A couple of people have asked me this question and each time, I have sniffed their breath to ascertain whether they were drunk.

If you would like to purchase more prints or use additional images, I will be happy to allow that. I'll even offer discounted rates, in keeping with this holiday theme.

But in all seriousness, thank you for asking.

How Do I Reserve My Spot?

It's easy-peasy. (Lemon-squeezy.)

Hurry up.
Email me. (bethany@bethanyo.com)
Pay the online invoice I send you.
Relax. You're in.

Due to the nature of time being what it is, I have to limit how many clients I can take on that day.

I want you to be amongst them.

Why Mini-Sessions Are the Answers to Your Holiday Wishes.

I'mma tell you.

Because they're not only useful for holiday cards.

They're useful for gifts, too.

Not sure what to get Gramma this year? Get her a photo of you. It will make her smile the whole year through, which officially makes it the gift that keeps on giving.

Better buy her a few. Life-sized, if you're festive.

You do like to make Gramma smile, don't you?

Who Should Consider a Mini-Session?

Families. Couples. INDIVIDUALS. Children. Your pet already tried to sign up.

Namely, any consumers of oxygen would be suitable for a mini-session. But only if said consumer of oxygen enjoys photos that are so beautiful that they blow that consumer's hair back.

Should you find yourself to be someone who A) consumes oxygen but B) does NOT enjoy having your hair blown straight backwards by viewing kick-ass photography, then I would kindly suggest that you refrain from booking a mini-session with me.

Sessions can include up to four people per time slot; additional persons/animals/creatures are $25 each.

Good News for Recent Clients, too.

You will not be left out of the fun, my Lovely Peeps!

For anybody I have photographed in 2013, I'm offering the same 30% off prints and canvases (and 15% off holiday cards) to you, too.

Because I love ya.

And also because I want you to see how stunning canvases look on your walls. Which will inevitably lead you to buy more of them next year.

Kinda like a crack dealer, giving away the first hit of crack to get you coming back for more.

I know what you're thinking: nothing says "holidays" like conjuring images of crack dealers.

You're welcome.***

Don't Forget!!

These sessions are limited and are expected to sell out.

So if you want first dibs on a spot, fling me an email. ASAP, home-fry.

Hold Up. Just a Second.

It's the Holidays. So Let's Share the Love.

Can you think of two (just TWO) people who might be interested in this opportunity, or in my photography services in general?

Think of them in your head now. I'll wait.

Okay. Now can you please forward this email to those two people?

I can't tell ya how much I'd appreciate that.

In return for your kindness, I will send YOU--immediately--18 certified good karma points and 1 MILLION virtual kisses.

Thank you, kind soul!!!!!

Important Footnotes.

* "We" = "I."

** Some of the photos in this email were taken during regular sessions, not mini-sessions. If you want to view photos from the mini-session day I did back in June, click here or here.

*** Made ya look.

Thank you for being you. Thank you for the unique light you bring to this world. And thank you for your interest in my photography!

I so hope to hear from you soon.

Remember: Santa's Watching!

So Don't Forget to share this! :)

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Portsmouth Maternity Session: Rhode Island Maternity Photographer

October 24, 2013

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These radiant, expecting parents were referred to me by another photographer (Kath Connerton - who was on maternity leave at the time.) What an honor and a compliment to get a referral from another photographer! Thank you, Kath!! :)

These parents-to-be came all the way from Southern Connecticut for their session. I knew I would like them when they pulled up to the beach in Portsmouth, RI, honking their horn enthusiastically.

Enjoy their photos!

This candid moment turned out to be one of their (and my) favs.

…And taking this last picture was when the idea for an in-the-water session was born.

I also put the following two templates together as options for them to use for baby shower thank-you cards.

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What's your favorite photo from this session? I always love feedback! :)

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Sunset Photo Session in a Field: Rhode Island Family Photographer

October 23, 2013

One of the other arguments against mini-sessions is that you simply can't give every client the sunset slot.

Sunset light is so very yummy.

I met Meghan through my friend Bonnie and I think Meghan and I might be soul-sisters. I feel like I have known her forever. And by "forever" I mean "since before I was born."

What a beautiful soul she is.

If you are curious about the thought-process that went into planning these mini-sessions, check this out: this session was featured on Spark, an inspirational website for photographers! :)

To see more photos from other sessions on this mini-session day, see my previous post!

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What's your favorite photo from this session? :)

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Mommy and Me Mini-Sessions: Rhode Island Family Photographer

October 23, 2013

Back in June I ran a promotion for a Mommy and Me mini photo session day.

It was an awesome opportunity to meet new clients, make new friends, spread the word about my business, and build my portfolio. Each family who came that day truly touched my heart, and I am so grateful to have met them.

Will I do it again? This, I am not sure.

I am still navigating this photography business thing. Here are a few thoughts factoring into my thought-process regarding mini-sessions:

1) They are a good thing for the reasons above, and for serving clients who have either recently had a full photo session and want updates or for working with potential clients who either want to "try" my services at a lower financial commitment or who don't have the budget for a full session.

2) Many fellow photographers and industry experts discourage the idea of mini-sessions because they encourage clients to wait for a "deal," can devalue your work in the eyes of clients, and can lead to the all-too-common "photographer burn-out."

3) On a more personal note, how do mini-sessions affect ME? The reason *good* photography is not cheap is because there is a tremendous amount of behind-the-scenes work involved. Was the sudden barrage of a very heavy workload good for my life balance? Do I feel I can put forth my best product when we only have 30 minutes to shoot? (Often we are just getting warmed up at the 30-minute mark.) How does decreasing my rates affect my self-esteem?

I intend to build this business around honesty, authenticity and openness. So those thoughts are me being real with you.

If you want to weigh in on this debate, I'd love your opinion.

Okay, on to the photos! :)

(Many thanks to my fabulous and oh-so-helpful assistant, Audrey, for all of her helpful help that day!!)

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First up was the incredible Kelly LaChance Guertin of Bellani Maternity. Kelly has been such a valuable resource for pregnancy and parenting information for me over the last five years; it was an honor to photograph her with her dynamic, kind, intelligent children.

Kelly recently won a few awards for being an outstanding businesswoman in Rhode Island. If you're a parent, regardless of whether you're local, you'll want to be a part of the Bellani community. Here's their facebook page.

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Next up was the fun and lovely Bridget, whom I met for the first time that day by means of a mutual friend.

Isn't it wonderful how good people have a way of connecting you with good people?

My fav of these photos is the bottom right. Aint nothin' like the safety of a Momma's arms, especially at this age.

I love capturing that bond.

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I mean honestly. These two!!! BAM! BAM! BAM! One great shot after another.

Jenn and I were in high school and at Boston College together; it was so nice to see her again.

Such an effervescent soul, she is. Baby, too. (OBS!)

I so appreciate the passion and enthusiasm Jenn brings to her online business as well. Wellness Enthusiasts: check her out!!

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I met the kind and loving Lindsay thanks to a friend sharing my mini-session announcement on Facebook.

These are the joys of Facebook. (Thank you, friends!)

Hard for me to choose a favorite here. I think I'd go with the one above, and the top two in the grid below, since their emotions are so unharnessed.

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Mike was a random passerby who asked me to take a photo of him with his dog when I was in-between sessions that day.

He really loves that pup.

"Fred" is an awesome dog name.

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I used to think it sounded very southern when people used the word "dear" to describe a friend, but I can think of no better word to describe my dear friend Linsey.

The shot of her two boys snuggling together below is one of my fav photos ever.

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We did

one other mini-session that day

, which I'm going to share as its own post because the light was so very magical.

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If you want to weigh in on my mini-session debate from the top of this blog post, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Any favs from these pics? :)

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Coral Brown Photos for Be Present Yoga Clothing, Inc: New England Yoga Photographer

October 22, 2013

Could it even be POSSIBLE that I never blogged about this session? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

Oh yes: I remember. I was being silly. And also wrong.

This was my first session with Coral Brown for Be Present, Inc (a yoga clothing company.)

I love Coral. And I love Be Present. So it works out nicely, this relationship.

One of the perks of being a photographer for Be Present is that after we do a shoot, they send me clothing. Which is awesome, because no one else is sending me clothing. And also because I don't enjoy shopping. But if I did enjoy shopping, I would be shopping for clothes like these.

So if you see me around on any given day, I'll probably be the one wearing the "Be Present" outfit.

I like that message: "Be present." I wear it mostly ironically, but I like it a lot.

It's a good note to self.

Here's one of our shots from that session being used as an ad in Yoga Journal. Oh, baby!! YOGA JOURNAL, my good peeps!!

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Do you like these photos? Which is your favorite? I always love to hear from you! :)

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Playing Catch-Up: Rhode Island Family, High School Senior, Headshot Photographer

October 22, 2013

I said I would start posting recent photo sessions to my web page. I'm going to do that with photos from Aug 2013 forward, but there are some photos from the previous year that I couldn't bear to scrap.

Here they come.

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(The photo above was not from an official photography session, but I love how it captures my mother-in-law and her sister: eyes closed and all. It's a real moment. That, to me, is beautiful.)

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Last fall, my friend Kaila Wilcox needed headshots for her website; she is a therapist in Boston.

In executing this shoot, it was important to me to show how approachable Kaila is. When someone visits her website, I want them to know that she is a kind and vibrant soul who is incredibly easy to speak with.

The photos, in my opinion, needed to be professional without being stiff; relaxed without being unprofessional.

The second photo above is obviously too relaxed for a professional headshot, but I love it to pieces so there it is. :)

A client of Kaila's recently told her that, in choosing between two psychologists for his child, he chose Kaila because of her photo.

Headshot WIN!

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My cousin James needed senior photos last year, and his high school's requirements were specific. Gray background. Black and white. Chest and shoulders only.

BAM. We got that shot, then had fun capturing James' love of skateboarding.

For what it's worth, my aunt told me the shot on the left is her favorite photo she's ever seen of James. Because that's his real smile.

That comment--and the photo--make ME smile! :)

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Last year, another of my aunts wanted to surprise my uncle with photos of their sons for Christmas.

The headshots above touch my heart. These are their real smiles. These are my cousins.

The photo below was my aunt and uncle's favorite of the three boys:

And these were two of my favorites:

That session marked my first canvas order. The individual head shots look INCREDIBLE as square 16x16 canvases, and the 24x36 canvas of the three boys is a jaw-dropping focal point in their living room.

If I do say so myself.

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This spring, these two spring chickens celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary:

As an anniversary gift, their three daughters (left) hired me to do a relaxed photo session of their extended family (right.)

I felt like a part of their family by the end of the day. What fun we had!

The photo on the bottom right is now a 24x36 canvas hanging in their parents' house. I received a handwritten letter (*happy sigh*) from their mother this summer, telling me how much she loves looking at that photo when she steps out of her bedroom every day.

Here was one more of my favs from that session:

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Finally, a family session this spring.

Bonnie is one of the first Momma-friends I made when I became a mother. We had been talking about doing photos together for a while. I'm so glad it worked out this spring!

The photo below of Bon with her three kids is one of my favorites ever. So real, so true!

She is one inspiring Momma: let me tell you what.

Two more of my favs from that shoot:

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Sweet sauce! Those are some of the photos I just couldn't bear to keep off the blog.

Up next: some mini-sessions from June!

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Did you like these photos? Any favorites? :)

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Not Only Silly. Also Wrong.

October 22, 2013

"When am I going to see more of your PHOTOS?" my sister asked. "You post a teaser to Facebook once in a while. You make me want more. And then...nothing."

"Aye aye aye," said I. "I don't know how to handle this. I want to post recent photo sessions to my blog, but many of my blog subscribers found me because they like my writing, not necessarily because they like my photos. I don't want to inundate them with photography if they came to me for joyology. I don't want to annoy people."

"That is not only silly," said she. "It is also wrong."

I like her style. And her opinion.

Segueing to my point-du-jour: I am about to post a bunch of photography-related posts. But I won't send them to you as seven separate emails; I will send them in one giant, conglomerative email. Because I don't want to inundate you.

And apparently because I'm still learning to let myself shine.

If you signed up to receive my emails because you are primarily interested in my Joyology thoughts, fret not, mon ami. I'll be back with more of those toute suite. In fact, I've got a great one up my sleeve.

Love and light to ya, homefries.

Love,

B-Dizzle

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This Might Answer a Few Questions About Me

September 3, 2013

For wordy-and-therefore-unlisted reasons, blogging is important to me. For business and other reasons, so is my Facebook presence.

But I've been rather quiet around the interwebs, haven't I?

"What's up with all the crickets?" you might ask, if referring to silence as "crickets" is what you do.

I'm noticing that I tend to go radio-silent on the internets for one of too reasons. Either:

A) I simply *can't* blog because I am overwhelmed by our busy lifestyle and things that are important to me are being dropped while I'm desperately trying to "JUGGLE ALL THE BALLS!!", or

B) I *choose* not to blog because I am enjoying our busy lifestyle, we are in the *flow,* and I'm letting balls fall so that I can focus on other balls that are even more important to me.

The difference between "dropping" and "letting go" is gargantuan, is it not?

I'll answer that for you: It IS. I say so as one who is a master of the former and a student of the latter.

I'm happy to report that the most recent Silence de Radio up in here has been due to Reason Number 'B.' I feel I owe you this explanation after writing "Got to Get Down to Get up" a few weeks ago, in case you're worried that I'm still flailing for air in the deep-end.

All is great here. I have fully breeched. We have made big, overdue, wonderful and necessary changes around here. And the changes are good.

After returning from a long weekend in Topanga Canyon with my Love (see photo, above), I wanted to check in here to send some love to you (yes I mean YOU, lovely reader and spreader of light who shows up to read these words!), but I don't have much prepared as far as thoughts go today.

But wait: I do!

A few weeks ago, Ursula Wayne of The Poppy Preppy Revolution interviewed me for her own blog. I love Ursula's questions and can't help but wonder whether some of my other readers may be wondering the same things.

So I'm sharing my answer to her first question here and am also listing her other questions. If you want to read more of my responses, click through to her blog!

I hope your Day of Labor was not laborious at all. Sending you light and love and appreciation, as always.

xox, B

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Here's my answer to her first question...

1. Tell me a little bit about your background. Where did you grow up? What did you study? How did you find yourself?

I'll skim though the boring-ish details (Rhode Island-raised, Boston College, Communications major became pharmaceutical sales rep, yadda, yadda) to get to the meat and potatoes of your question.

Here's what I see as a relevant part of my background: For as long as I can remember, I have been "overachieving" on the outside while struggling to find happiness on the inside. That sounds deep for a half of a second until you realize it's the M.O. of every single over-achiever in the history of ever.

How did I find my calling? Great question. Through listening to my body when I was doing the things that weren't true to me, I suppose.

In pharmaceutical sales, it felt like a piece of my soul was dying. Incredible job perks and respect from people who applauded my "accomplishments" were the golden handcuffs that kept me there.

But the longer I ignored my gut, the more I had physical symptoms: I kept peanut butter in my car because on most days, that was all my stomach could tolerate. And I felt dirty. Not because the job itself was inherently "dirty" (one of my very favorite people in the darn world is a pharma rep) but because it was not the job that allowed MY soul to thrive.

I left pharmaceuticals to start a document management business, which was one of the scariest and bravest things I've ever done and seemed like the right direction until I realized I was always hoping people wouldn't ask me about it.

I'm no career advisor, but that might be a good sign you're in the wrong career, right?

At the time I came to that realization, my son was an infant and I had always "known" that being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) was my "primary life goal" and that it would be "all I would need" to feel fulfilled. We were in a position where we could make it work, so I went that direction.

I must interrupt this story to say that it's HARD to change directions, Ursula. It is one one of the scariest of all Scary-Assed Routes. And it's embarrassing: will people take me seriously anymore? Will

take me seriously?

But if we ignore our intuition or try to pretend that something is right for us when in fact it is only right for someone else, the physical consequences get worse. It's dangerous to our health, to our relationships and to our only chance at living our life's PURPOSE, ignoring our intuition is.

Recently, I got whacked upside the head with intuition again. My "Joyology" and Photography work began as a side-project…a small business that could serve as an outlet for me as a SAHM. As the business responsibilities have grown, I have not been honest with myself about how hard--no, impossible--it is to run a business AND stay at home with the kids.

I especially haven't been honest with myself about WANTING to work outside the home, because I was petrified that would mean bad things about me as a mom, which is another post for another day.

But by trying to do both, I have been doing neither the way I want to do them. And so began my downward spiral into a recent month-long depression.

Like I said, intuition will do what it must in order to be heard. For brevity's sake, I'll skip through the details of that spiral, but I will say that

the great thing about hitting a low is that it gives you a place to plant your feet

. It forces you to reevaluate. It forces you to be honest with yourself.

So now I'm in the process of creating the structure so that I can work during the day and be present for my family in the evenings. I am shifting again, and for the first time, I am making the shift ENTIRELY on what my intuition is telling me is right for me and my family, not based on what I think society or the people around me would say I "should" be doing.

It feels so, SO good.

I guess you could say that I've been able to find my "calling" because I've found myself. I have been working with a therapist (for 16 years loosely, 4 years intensely) and I know now that you won't get anywhere in therapy unless you will talk about the things you don't want to talk about. To find yourself, you need self-love. To find self-love, you must first find self-acceptance. To find self-acceptance, you must be willing to shine light on the things that you wish were not a part of yourself.

I guess you could say that I found myself through being willing to honestly assess and make changes. And that I continue to find myself! :)

***

Here are Ursula's other Questions.

If you're interested, click through to the Poppy Preppy Revolution to read more from this interview!

2. Your photos and your approach to photography is so soulful. Did you always know you wanted to be a photographer?

3. How did you find your niche?

4. Who has influenced you on your road thus far?

5. Your pictures are so happy. What makes you happy? How elicit such genuinely happy smiles from your clients?

6. Who do you consider to be your peers? What blogs/sites do you read on a regular basis?

7. Your honesty is so refreshing. Have you always been so straightforward?

8. What makes you laugh?

9. What does the online inspirational community need more of?

10. What's the best advice you could give for someone just starting out to find their "peeps"? (Not the candy.)

***

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Aint No Shame in That Game: A Truthful Chat with Jacob Sokol, Sensophy Life Coach

August 12, 2013

Do you want the long of it or do you want the short of it?

First, here's the short of it, for all ye blog-skimmers out there:

Today's podcast might be one of my favorites by anyone ever. (I say this while dancing in a cloak of modesty, of course.)

I kick off the call by listing a few of the many ways my dear friend Jacob inspires me, so I will spare you the redundancy of listing those again here.

Let me tell you, instead, about the call itself.

You’ll see I elected not to remove the parts I was tempted to cut: apparently when you preach about authenticity, you’re not allowed to polish your podcasts. Go figure.

Here's the thing I am most proud of both from Jacob and from myself on this call: while we are *talking* about the concepts of vulnerability, courage and authenticity, we are also *walking* those very same concepts at the very same time. We are shedding light on subjects that have once brought *us* shame.

We are letting ourselves shine.

If I had wanted to lead you to believe that it was easy for me to discuss those vulnerable topics, my mildly-quavering voice would have belied my efforts.

But it's not my intention to portray vulnerability as something that is easy. It's only my intention to portray vulnerability as something that is worthwhile.

Now here's the longer of it, for all ye who enjoy a lil' background before delving into a podcast:

If you are not familiar with Jacob Sokol or his website, Sensophy, his story "behind the glory" is a great place to begin.

Jacob and I first met about a year ago when he was assigned to be my trainer for some work we were both doing with the en*theos Academy for Optimal Living. In my first few hours of knowing Jacob, we found ourselves on a three-way phone call between the two of us and Mastin Kipp (creator of The Daily Love.)

During that conversation, Mastin ran a quick "Love University" intervention on me--which was an incredibly rare opportunity, if you know anything about Mastin. For better or for worse, I do nothing half-heartedly (especially interventions), so when Mastin asked me a very pointed question, I sobbed and uncovered that one of my core fears is that "PEOPLE WILL THINK I'M AN A**HOLE." (Please: when you picture me saying that to those two men, picture the type of crying where your words sound wet because of all of the liquids that are spewing from your eyes and your nose.)

I like to keep it classy.

A reader recently asked me how people who are new to the self-dev community can go about finding their "peeps." When she asked me this, I immediately thought of the incident now known as the "I Might Be an A**hole" (IMBA) Conversation of 2012 (for lack of a better term.)

The blubbering and vulnerable revelation in front of two men I barely knew was…well, it was a little embarrassing at the time. And awkward.

It was awkward for *me.* It did not appear to be awkward for them.

In fact, that's exactly when my friendship with Jacob was born. When Mastin had to sign off the call, Jacob held space for me. I tried to make a joke to dismiss the awkwardness but Jacob didn't take the bait to move away from the uncomfortable moment. He just held space. I felt no judgement from him; only kinship.

To answer my reader's question about peeps-finding: when I allow myself to be seen and I feel no discomfort from the other person, this is when I know I have found one of my peeps.

HERE'S THE IRONY, THOUGH: if I had gone into that conversation *wanting* Jacob to be my "peep," I can almost guarantee you that a friendship would not have been born that day. If I had known who he was at that time, I probably would have wanted to be his buddy, which would have made me more guarded and less authentic on the call.

Which wouldn't have given him the chance to hold space for me. Which wouldn't have given me the opportunity to feel kinship from him.

Both I and Alanis Morisette want to know: Isn't that ironic? Isn't it ironic that when we *want* someone to be our friend, we don't show them who we are?

So I think we've landed upon something big here, as far as peeps-finding goes.

Ever since that IMBA call, Jacob and I have scheduled periodic check-ins to nudge each other along in our personal and business journeys. Our stories have similar themes but different scenes and characters, making us sort of like spiritual siblings, in a way.

Or, maybe, if we *all* had *true* conversations with more people more often, we'd find that we're *all* spiritual sistahs and brothahs from othah mothahs.

If we all spoke the truth more often, maybe we'd remember that we're *all* in this together.

On that note, I'm so excited and thankful to introduce YOU--my peeps--to my treasured friend Jacob and to his peeps. I guarantee he will inspire you.

Light-Catchers: meet Sensophizers! Sensophizers: WELCOME!!!

Stay tuned after Jacob and I sign off the call - I'll pop back on the mic with a quick summary of some of my favorite big ideas from the conversation!

Jacob: THANK YOU!! :)

***

Here's the podcast!

[powerpress]

SO: will this call help to move you forward, or is it spiritual entertainment at best?

Tell me one helpful idea you're taking from the conversation!

Don't forget to sign up for Jacob's email updates and also for mine!

Shine on, sistahs and brothahs! :)

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Got to Get down to Get up: Things I Don't Want You to Know

July 17, 2013

Breaching is my favorite part of diving. As a kid in my family's pool, I loved the diving board but rarely chose the surface-skimming technique of speed swimmers.

Shallow dives are just so damn boring: that's all.

Instead, I'd catapult myself to the highest possible altitude, jackknife my body to touch my toes, flick my pointed legs skyward so I could enter the water at a 90 degree angle, and bee-line through eight feet of water to the pool's bottom.

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Please Know This about the Pursuit of Happiness.

July 6, 2013

Ironically, there is a faint undertone of anger in today's post which is neither intentional nor desired by me, but I'm feeling a bit pissy and vinegary today, so removing those undertones would be disingenuous, if not impossible.

Authenticity holds the trump card on this blog, so the undertones will stay, even though I would prefer to wait until I can purify them back to the love that fuels them.

On that note, we begin.

***

What has been the cost, do you think, of our freedom to pursue happiness?

Obviously America's birthday brought this question to mind this week, but for the sake of my international readers (and mostly for the sake of accuracy), let's not only count the lives, limbs and blood lost by Americans in defense of our inalienable rights.

And let's not only count the tears shed by those who have grieved or feared for those American Patriots.

Instead, let's count blood, tears, lives, sweat, energy, opportunities, money, relationships and limbs sacrificed throughout the globe, and from the beginning of time.

How much have previous generations forfeited so that their descendants (that's YOU and ME and US, Homefries) could be in a better position to PURSUE HAPPINESS?

I don't ask this question hypothetically but I'll leave it unanswered as if it were hypothetical because the answer could never be measured with an iota of accuracy.

The cost has been immense.

And now for the inevitable follow-up question: heyyyyyyyyyyyyy ARE YOU HAPPY?

I don't mean the Run-from-Your-Problems, Get-Drunk-on-a-Beach type of happiness: I'm asking whether you experience the real, fulfilled, soulful kind of happiness.

The kind of happiness you need to PURSUE.

They put that word in the Declaration of Independence for a reason, you know.

[As noted in Marci Shimoff's book Happy for No Reason (which I haven't read but know about through Brian Johnson), the word "pursuit," when the Declaration was written, didn't mean that you CHASED after something, but that you PRACTICED it.]

So.

Are you PRACTICING happiness the best you know how? Or is there something you know in your gut would make you happy, but you are not doing it either because you don't feel like it or more likely because you are afraid?

You needn't answer that. I know. We're a lot alike.

The good news is that the path to rectifying this situation is simple, really. You already know the next step to take.

Just take one tiny, baby step.

And then another.

The reason this simple equation gets so royally f'd up is also simple: fear. It's fear that derails us into wasting time surfing Facebook or whatever is our Avoidance Tactic Du Jour.

Here are a few of the many fears that have stood between me and my happiest self, either in the past or today or both:

Fear that seeking help is an admittance of weakness.
Fear that if I don't accomplish enough, then I am not enough.
Fear of being vulnerable to anyone including the man who pledged his life to me. Fear of relying on him.
Fear of leaving a lucrative job that sucked my soul for the question mark inherent to self-employment.
Fear that even if I have that difficult conversation, nothing will change.
Fear of public embarrassment if I were to put my dreams "out there" and fail.
Fear that the people who have disliked me (or merely didn't desire to be my best friend) have been "right" about me.
Fear that my true, unmasked feelings in some situations mean I'm an asshole.
Fear of exposing this list (or anything that feels personal): could it be used against me?

You get it: happiness is scary.

But what of my maternal grandfather? He left all he owned and loved in his war-torn home of french Algeria to board a crowded boat to America so that his future family could enjoy the freedoms of this sweet, sweet land of Liberté.

What of him?

What would he say if I told him, "Thanks for all you left behind for my freedom, Pepere. I know that going to bed at a reasonable hour makes a huge difference in both my overall happiness and in how I show up as a person in this world, but when midnight rolls around, I still really just don't feel like it."

What would he would say to that?

And what of my paternal grandfather? As a young man in the marines, he dodged bullets and climbed through piles of dead bodies to rescue wounded soldiers from the island of Iwo Jima in one of the bloodiest battles in American history.

Like so many soldiers throughout history, he put his life on the line so that all Americans could enjoy the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

What would HE say if I told him, "well, Gramps, I do know that an important part of me will die if I don't pursue the dreams in my heart, but I'm just too scared to pursue them because what if I FAIL? People might LAUGH."

What the F do you think he would say to THAT?

It doesn't matter if you know specifically what your foreparents have sacrificed in hopes that your life will be happier than theirs. Every soldier who has ever bled out on a battlefield in the name of freedom has skin in the game of your happiness.

As Lincoln said in the Gettysburg Address, "It is for us the living...to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. […] From these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain."

In regards to what YOU are currently doing to pursue happiness, do you think the millions who died to defend your right to pursue it would feel that they died in vain?

Just wondering.

In a lot of ways, war looks different today than it did when my grandfather (and many others) scurried onto the beach at Iwo Jima. In a lot of ways, patriotism does, too.

I don't think our generation knows what it means to be patriotic today. We haven't been told.

Does it mean we are patriots if we wave flags at parades on the fourth of July? Are we patriotic if we can point out that a singer botched up the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner? What if we express hatred towards terrorists or use an image of the flag as our profile picture on National Holidays?

Does that count as patriotism?

I do not pose those questions facetiously: I think most of us really don't know.

Here's what I propose as one means of modern-day patriotism:

The pursuit of happiness is not only our inalienable right but also our moral obligation and our patriotic duty.

We owe it to the people who have sacrificed before us, to the people who love us now, and to every person (living or future) whose life we can possibly impact to PURSUE HAPPINESS.

Think of happiness like a tide: when one boat rises, we all rise.

I know it is scary to take those small steps towards soul-fulfililng happiness.

They scare me too.

Fortunately this is not only the land of the free but also the home of the brave. Courage runs thick in our blood.

And those who have sacrificed before us shall not have sacrificed in vain.

***

Happy birthday, America.

What's the small step you can take today in pursuit of happiness?

Hint: you've probably already promised yourself you would do it.

***

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Food for Thought: A Strange Coincidence from Last Week

June 27, 2013

When "coincidences" happen, I pay attention.

Say that I'm a few marbles short of a full bag if you must--I know this theory cannot be scientifically proven--but I believe that synchronicity is meant to draw our attention towards something important.

It's meant to lead us in an important direction, or at least to make us aware of something we need to learn.

Which brings me to my story from last week.

I think you know how much I love photography. As a whole, the art makes my soul sing to the tune of a hand-clapping chorus of angels. When I capture a glimpse of a person's soul with my camera--their ESSENCE--it feels like I am experiencing God.

It's a spiritual experience.

And then there's the back-end of photography: the editing of the RAW files and other tasks that go along with the business. Dorothy Parker, a 20th century American poet, once said, "I hate writing; I love having written." Glennon Melton famously drew a parallel between that quote and the challenges of parenting.

That's how I feel about editing. For me, the editing process hits the Gouge-Your-Own-Eyes-with-a-Spoon tier of the Mundaneness Meter.

But I DO love having edited. And I most certainly love having photographed.

Not to worry: I've devised a helpful practice to keep me out of my utensil drawer while editing. To keep myself from even THINKING about spoons, I merely distract my brain. First, I listen to something that feeds my inner Joyologist…anything from the en*theos Academy for Optimal Living will do.

Then, when wisdom begins dripping out my ears from over-saturation, I make the jump to something funny, such as the Brian Regan station on Pandora.

Funniness is like a defibrillator for a depleted brain.

Important aside: Have you ever heard of the comedian Brian Regan? He is a very, very funny man.

Last week, I had a lot of editing to do. I kicked things off with the Philosopher's Note on "The Power of Full Engagement." In the note, Brian Johnson (not comedian Brian but philosopher Brian - the guy I interviewed a few weeks ago) quoted this paragraph from that book:

The idea of mental "junk food" caught my attention. I don't watch a lot of TV, but I wondered, "Self: if you are what you eat, what is YOUR mental junk food?"

At that moment, I was nursing a Social Comparison Hangover, which happens almost every time I check Facebook. I'm not sure whether I love Facebook or whether I hate it. In fact, if you ask me the status of my relationship with Facebook, I'll tell you: it's complicated.

Given that I was actively nursing a Facebook-induced Social Comparison Hangover when I posed myself the question about mental junk food, it's probably not shocking that a voice in my head immediately answered, "Facebook. Facebook is your junk food. It doesn't make you feel good. Facebook is like McDonald's for your soul."

I half-smiled. I find myself amusing at times.

At that point I was tired of thinking so I switched to my favorite comedy station on Pandora, since I still had a lot of editing in front of me.

Here's where it DID get shocking.

Within less than five minutes, I heard the following very funny skit by Jim Gaffigan. (The whole thing is funny but if you're in a hurry, skip to the 5:40 mark to see the coincidence):

Ummm…that's…WEIRD, right? That is a weird coincidence, if you do say so yourself, yes?

To me, it was so freakishly weird that it gave me chills. I stopped what I was doing: there was something here that I needed to chew on.

And I have. I've been chewing it and chewing it.

Before I delve into all the reasons I think this coincidence popped up in my life at that moment, I must remind myself that no one likes long blog posts and that I AM bunting, after all. No need to be so thorough.

But maybe this "coincidence" happened to me, not only for what I needed to learn in my own life, but because I'm also meant to share it with you today.

Maybe you need to consider this concept, too.

Maybe you're not one to go to McDonalds or indulge in lots of television or even Facebook, but what else do you do that you know is not good for you?

Something likely immediately came to mind as you read that question: A recurring thought you need to let go of? An unhealthy relationship that is depleting you? An indulgent habit like staying up late?

Hey: that's still McDonald's. It's just served up a little different.

It's McDonald's of the soul.

***

What's YOUR McDonald's?

I love to hear from you! :)

***

Please like image for bottom of posts

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I'm Gonna Bunt

June 15, 2013

I tried fruitlessly for a while to keep my almost-two-year-old daughter off of her four-year-old brother's soccer field, but the tantrums were getting embarrassing and nobody seems to mind her out there anyway.

So now I let her run.

Not to brag, but I think she's a strong candidate for MVP, even though she's the only one without a jersey. She's rather spirited.

Recently, Husband and I sat in the grass by the sidelines, wondering if sporting events will comprise a large part of our family's future.

"It's in their genes," I said, referring to athleticism.

Husband, who went to college on a pitching scholarship and who literally talks in his sleep about being "unstoppable" on the basketball court, said, "yeah, but I'll be just as happy going to piano concerts or theater performances if they're not into sports. If they aren't interested in baseball or basketball, I don't want to force it."

"I was talking about MY genes, too," I said, hyper-suspicious that he doesn't appreciate the raw athleticism that I have bequeethed our children through my half of their gene soup. "I was an athlete too, you know."

"You ARE an athlete," he said.

The statement both puffed my chest and put me on the hunt for any traces of sarcasm or condescension. I found neither.

"You have the strength, the passion, the speed, the hand-eye coordination," he said. "You would have been a GREAT athlete if you didn't try to swing for the fences all the time. Your head got in your way."

I couldn't take insult from this because I knew it to be true. Plus, I was still puffy-chested knowing he sees me as an athlete, so I was willing to let the caveat slide.

The caveat about my head getting in the way? This is not news to me. I've been hearing it ever since I was a pre-teen in sliding shorts, swinging the biggest bat on the softball field. I'd get a home run or I'd strike out.

As a softball player, usually I'd strike out. But I've never had any intention of altering my approach.

My dad, our bless-his-heart third base coach, would tell me, "Just get on base." But I didn't want to "just" get on base. I wanted to "tear the cover off that ball," which was his other signature coaching advice, and the one that I "knew" would make him proudest of me.

I knew I had the potential for the home run, so I wanted a grand slam or I wanted nothing at all. I wanted to knock it out of the park, and if not, I wanted to be able to go to sleep that night knowing that I tried to be ALL that I could be.

In volleyball: my serves were aces or they were in the net. In soccer: I was captain and leading scorer or I was hanging up my cleats for yearbook. In school: I was getting A's or…well, I guess my attitude in school was "'A' or DIE," which thankfully turned out okay-ish, if you don't count all the mental breakdowns.

But to be a *great* athlete, you need to get on base. You need to be able to stay in the game, or you are not a *great* athlete at all.

People think it takes guts to stand in front of a crowd and strike out. They think it takes courage to stand in the middle of a full high school gymnasium and serve a ball into the net.

They are right. That does require a certain amount of cajones. And for the majority of people--people who like to play things "safe" by hiding in mediocrity--"swinging for the fences" is an awesome stretch goal, because it puts them in a position where they COULD fail miserably. That's a great growth goal that I would both encourage and cheer. For some people.

But not for me.

For me, the land of extremes IS my comfort zone. When the cards fall, I am either the most talented person in the world (and therefore "worthy" of love) or I appear to be the most courageous in the world (and again am "worthy.")

It is safe here.

For me, it's the base hits that scare me. It's the volleyball serves that land in play which freak me out.

I am afraid of being unremarkable.

And after 32.45 years of living this way, I am only realizing it as I type this sentence.

The word "perfectionist" makes my skin crawl (because it seems to imply that we think we are "perfect" or "better than" other people, which couldn't be further from the truth), but I would bet that most quote-on-quote "perfectionists" could identify with the fear of a base hit.

Any psychologist worth his copay will tell you that perfectionism is a hiding place, as much as any addiction--like drugs or alcohol or gambling. Perfectionism is a way of coping with the world and of the fear that our essence--our CORE--the purest form of who we are--is not enough to warrant love.

The problem is that how we do everything is how we do anything, and this sporting philosophy, if you can believe it, still isn't serving me today. It affects me as a mom, as a wife, as a friend, as a business person.

Do you know the famous quote about insanity? I've been thinking about it a lot over the past couple of days, mostly because I overheard someone f*ck it up royally and condescendingly, which was too ironic to leave my head. ("You know the definition of stupidity?" he said jerk-ticiously. "It's doing the same thing over and over and getting different results.")

ACTUALLY, the definition of INSANITY is doing the same thing over and over and EXPECTING different results, but I'm sure that man's condescension comes from the fact that he, too, is insecure, so I send him love.

I don't want to be insane. Swinging for the fences is hurting me more than it is serving me, and it has been my whole life. So I think it's time to switch up my game plan.

As a blogger, I am afraid to lose readers by writing mediocre posts. I am afraid people will unsubscribe if I post too often, or too boringly, or if I write about my photography, in case my photography is not what originally drew you to my blog. If I don't think a post has the potential to go viral, I don't want to post at all.

Frankly, this is serving no one. Sometimes I over-tweak posts to the point where I read them three months later and I think, "huh?" I have no fewer than 100 half-written posts that probably could have helped people over the last year, but they never made it to the blog because they weren't "just right."

And frankly, I don't even have time for all the tweaking.

If I'm going to stay in the game, I need to learn to bunt.

So I think my personal work this week, this month, and most likely this lifetime, is to bunt. If I bunt on the blog and people unsubscribe, this is a good thing. It is the universe's way of helping me filter down to "my people" and of helping those unsubscribers find someone whose writing does speak to them more.

I will trust that if I feel inspired to write something, this is the universe's way of telling me that somebody needs to hear it.

Maybe, like today, that somebody is me.

And that somebody named Me is more than enough.

***

My new mantra: "Bunt."

Is there an area of your life where you are afraid to bunt right now? Or maybe the opposite? Maybe your work is in trying to swing for the fences?

Tell me about it!

Shine on, loves. xoxoxo

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Be the Elephant. (Also: Photo Session for Be Present, INC with Coral Brown - Live Love Yoga.)

May 30, 2013

Remember the fable about the ant and the elephant?

I didn't either! Good thing we have children's books to remind us of such things.

Here are the Cliff's Notes: Ant gets stuck on a reed in a river. Other animals are snarky and will not help ant. Elephant kindly and easily swoops ant to safety. Ant thanks elephant profusely. Elephant is all, "it was nothing." Ant quips, "to you, it may have been nothing, but to me it was everything."

[Pause for effect.]

Okay--just for a paragraph, now--let's leap from children's books to self development literature. Because we're multi-dimensional like that.

Sonja Lyubomirsky (a positive psychologist whose books are as ground-breaking as her name is hard to spell) has scientifically proven that acts of kindness not only boost the happiness of the person RECEIVING the kind act, but also of the person DOING the act and of anybody OBSERVING the act.

WOAH, right?

So what do you get when you cross an elephant fable with a positive psychology study?

You get an easy recipe for widespread happiness, that's what you get.

[To flesh that out, the fable shows that seemingly small acts of kindness can be life-altering. Sonja says those "teeny" kindnesses will help everybody involved in or watching the acts. So, lots of small acts could help a whole sea of people, right? (A + B = SEA of Happiness.)]

Since I like efficiency and I like practicality and I most definitely like happiness, I ask myself: what is the simplest thing that I can do throughout my day that requires little of me but might mean a lot to someone else?

The answer that comes immediately to mind is: Smile. Genuinely. Soulfully. Kindly. Contagiously.

But let's be real: can a smile really make a difference in someone's life? And what in tarnation does any of this have to do with these mind-blowingly beautiful photos of Coral Brown?

Patience, Dear Readers. I shall weave those answers into the remainder of this post: swearsies. But first I need to address something important.

Most of us get in our own ways when it comes to happiness. I've come up with a list of reasons that I think we do this (more later), but one reason is that sometimes we feel GUILTY about being happy. Who are WE to be happy when so many people have life so much harder than us? We think we "should" be dedicating time to other tasks or people instead of nurturing ourselves. Afraid to rub salt on open wounds, we assume that our happiness will make the sad sadder.

But could our happiness make the sad happier?

A few years ago, I was having a down day. Not a woke-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed kind of down day, but a remind-myself-to-breathe kind of down day. Frankly, I don't remember if I was sad about one thing or lots of things or nothing at all. It doesn't matter: I was down.

So I went to yoga, which is one of the action-items on my Emergency Depression Plan. Basically, when I show my face in a yoga studio, I might as well be pumping out "S.O.S." signals in morse code, because inevitably my spirits are tanking. I love yoga--really, I do--and some day I will practice it when I am not capsizing.

But not today.

When I walked into the yoga studio that day, Coral--who didn't know me at the time--was squatting at the front of the room, talking to someone. She looked up, made eye contact, and smiled at me. Coral is such a soulful and radiant person that when she smiled, she communicated such tranquility--such LIGHT--that time paused for a moment and I felt peace.

I FELT that smile, Lovely Reader. I felt it as PEACE in my HEART.

In that slowed moment I knew: I have been that happy before and I will be that happy again.

I will be okay.

To Coral, the elephant in that moment, that smile was insignificant: she doesn't remember it.

But to me, the ant in that moment, that smile was everything. That smile was hope. It was assurance.

It was humanity and spirit all at once.

I think most of us are afraid to be happy. At a bathtub-deep level of consciousness, we are afraid that if we go around SMILING at people all the time, people will think we are push-overs and try to take advantage of us.

But if we dive approximately seven leagues deeper than that, we realize that we are actually soul-shakingly SCARED to be purely happy because when we are happy we are vulnerable. When we are happy, we wonder when the other foot is going to fall.

So we CREATE THE OTHER FOOT by not letting ourselves get super happy in the first place. It's safer here.

"How genius of us," says I, sarcastically.

[No judgement here, Homies. Creating the other foot is my M.O.: I'm freakishly super-human in my ability to create feet where there were no feet before. If you do this too, you are amongst friends.]

My point is this: in most cases, happiness demands infinitely more courage from us than sadness. People who go around projecting happiness are kind and courageous HEROES, not selfish or ignorant push-overs.

And you have a calling to be one of those heroes.

Taking care of ourselves so that we can truly BE happy and PROJECT happiness is not an act of selfishness but a profound act of public service.

A simple smile--as Sonja L. would say--not only helps the person we are smiling at, it also helps US and ANYBODY OBSERVING US.

A smile can be a gift of hope, of reassurance, of peace.

A simply smile--which comes so readily and soulfully when we are doing the work--may feel to you as insignificant as the effort required for an elephant to lift an ant.

But the person on the receiving end of your smile might just be thinking, "to me, it was everything."

***

What can you do to be an elephant today?

Be Present, Inc. recently hired me to do this photo session with Coral for their spring clothing line. Check out their beautiful and super-comfy yoga clothes here!

[A photo from our previous session together landed in Yoga Journal! Hot Dog!!]

Also. I can't recommend Coral's yoga classes highly enough! She's a world-traveler, teaching yoga (and training yoga teachers) all over the globe…lucky for us, Rhode Island is her home. Here's where to find her.

Namaste, Loves.

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Brian Johnson Podcast: Personal Roadblocks and How to Overcome Them

May 6, 2013

This podcast with Brian Johnson is, like Brian himself, *awesome sauce.* Let me just start with that.

Also. I don't know why I was so anxious before this call. Yes I do.

Brian and Alexandra Johnson mean a lot to me. They have been such a positive force in my life over the past year, and I am EXCITED to introduce you, my blog readers, to some of their well-practiced wisdom.

Excitement and anxiety are twinsies, almost.

I was also NERVOUS because this was such a treasured opportunity: I was afraid I'd F it up.

[This is the fun dance we play with any blessing in our lives, isn't it? Excitement for the Goodness vs Fear of Ruining/Losing Said Goodness. Ironically, both sides of that battle make the opposing side stronger. I can't decide if I think that's a good thing.]

Also.

You should know that I have a history of crying in professional situations. This history gives me the heebie-jeebies, when I think about it. For every professional position I've ever held, I can think of a time when I did not want to cry in that position but I cried anyway. Usually in front of a boss who had no idea how to handle it.

[Psst! My ego wants me to tell you that I was very good at those jobs despite the crying.]

During smalltalk before this podcast, Brian made the obtuse mistake of asking me how I was doing. I mean, honestly! The audacity on that guy.

I could have hidden my feelings this time. I could have given him the standard "great thanks--you?" answer and started the podcast without tipping my hand about my anxiety.

At least I THINK I could have done that, this time. Let's just say I could have.

But nowadays I know how poisonous it is for me to hide my truths and I surround myself with people who value and encourage those truths, so I named it. I told Brian I was nervous and my voice shook and I had some uncomfortable pauses where I'm sure he knew I was wiping away tears and holding the receiver away from my mouth while gasping for breath, but it was okay. I felt safe here.

For the first time in a professional-ish situation, instead of berating myself for my excitable anxious energy, I was proud of my willingness to be authentic because I know now that it takes a lot of courage to allow ourselves to be seen in this world.

And I'm grateful to Brian for creating that safe space.

I've been unsure how to introduce today's podcast to you. Brian's resume is super-impressive, but I didn't want to copy/paste his bio, because pasting is boring and bios are impersonal.

It's tempting to tout the popularity of Brian's work, but that would be too ironic: Brian discourages extrinsic goal-setting and sets me straight whenever I appear concerned about social media rankings, etc.

What I find most impressive about both Brian and Alexandra is not their accomplishments, but how they show up as people. They open my eyes to the type of human being I aspire to be.

My husband, Owen, had a suggestion for me.

"You've mentioned how Brian holds space for people," he said. "You've said that even when he is very busy, he still has a way of honoring the people around him. You have said this inspires YOU to want to be the same way…to be present and to help people feel connected and safe in sharing themselves. You should probably mention that in your intro."

Good idea, O. Good idea.

[Cut back to scene 1: Pre-Podcast Jitters.] Of course Brian was helpful when I said I was nervous. He related the tricks he uses to alchemize his own nervous energy back into enthusiasm, shared funny stories of past anxieties, and even Alexandra hopped on the phone to help a sistah out. This is the type of people they are, the Johnsons.

But then I looked at the clock. We were halfway through our allotted time, and we hadn't even begun recording. Knowing that Brian's time is in high demand, I asked if it would be better for him that we reschedule.

"I have as much time as you need," he told me.

That sentence, my friends, tells you much more than any bio could tell you about Brian Johnson.

***

In today's podcast, Brian shares some roadblocks he has faced on his road to success, as well as the tools he has used to overcome them.

I think you'll love it! Here it is!

[powerpress]

***

I'd love to hear one thing you're taking from today's post / podcast!

***

Please like image for bottom of posts

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The Truth.

April 25, 2013

I've come to realize I have a physical response to truth.

When something strikes me as fundamentally pure, truthful, soulful, brave, or kind, I get chills. Teary-eyes. My heart skips a beat.

My son, in one exaggerated swoop of his arm, wipes a pile of papers onto the floor. When I exasperatedly ask, "WHY???!" he blinks at me, genuinely confused.

"I don't know why," he says, and I believe him.

The pureness of his honesty makes my heart stumble.

Waiting in the grocery line, I overhear a man boasting about his granddaughters. His love is pure and palpable; the tears in my eyes are, too.

A confidante shares a "secret" that has been poisoning her insides for forty years. I get chills - not because her secret is remotely juicy (group therapy has taught me that secrets are mostly only juicy to their keepers) - my arm hairs stand to attention because of the pureness of her courage.

Perhaps these sensations are not just reactions to truth - perhaps they are my body's way of telling me when I have seen a glimpse of a person's soul.

I have seen their soul and I am touched.

I've heard it said that people today have keen noses for B.S. (we can smell a rat from a mile away)--but I don't think we give ourselves enough credit for how perceptive we are in recognizing GOODNESS, too.

Our bodies have a sense for when things are pure and true. They are reliable and consistent sources of guidance; it's just up to us to pay attention.

I know I haven't been paying enough attention.

Of course I've known that my eyes water a lot, but I've never stopped to think, why am I getting chills in this moment? Why did I just skip a breath?

What is my body trying to tell me?

When somebody does something courageous or selfless or honest or good and we get chills, that's the universe's way of saying, "Did you see that? That was good. See how it gives you goosebumps? You are connected to that. You are good too. Go that way. Do more things like that. You are not alone."

This is why, when a twice-bereaved father runs towards the explosions in Boston to pinch between his fingers the severed arteries of a man whose legs have been blown off, our entire nation vibrates at a higher level.

We are one with that cowboy-hat-wearing Patriot. His fiber is our fiber. We are capable of that valor.

We get chills when we see him because God/Universe/Spirit is telling us: "Go that way. Be like that."

We are also one with the man in the wheelchair who is shocked and afraid. If we can see ourselves in him, then we, like him, have no choice but to be valiant in the face of our fears.

Isn't it remarkable how much soul can come through a photograph?

When an image captures the essence of a person, I inhale sharply. My eyes water. I get chills. Not because it is beautiful - many photos are beautiful - but because it is true.

As a photographer, I have no interest in taking a photo of what a person or a scene "looks like." Taking that kind of picture requires zero talent. It is boring and unremarkable.

I have even less interest in photographing who a person wants to pretend to be. I spent far too many years thinking I had to be someone I wasn't in order to be lovable; if you want a contrived or "perfect" or super-posed photo, please find somebody else to take it.

Pretense makes me shiver.

When I push the shutter on my camera, my goal is to create a photograph--not of what my subject looks like, but of who my subject is. It's no easy task, because people generally feel uncomfortable with a lens in their face, but--quite frankly--bringing out who YOU ARE in a photo is my enjoyable challenge and my specialty.

I catch your light and I show it to you.

I aim to show you that your truth--your soul--your ESSENCE is extraordinarily, vibrantly, and wildly beautiful.

Because that, my friend, is the God's Honest Truth.

***

I'm currently running a photography special: $470 worth of photos and services for only $165. Details here!

FYI, I changed the name of my photography business. I now operate as Bethany O Photography.

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Mommy and Me Mini-Shoot Special: June 1, 2013

April 25, 2013

Wondering what to get for that luminescent Mommy in your life this Mother's Day?

Or...are you a hard-working mother wondering which hints to drop for your Baby Daddy in preparation for the upcoming and much-deserved celebration of YOU?

Look no further. Bethany O Photography is holding a "Mommy and Me" mini photoshoot special: $470 worth of photography and services for only $165.

This is what you call a "NO-BRAINER," my friends!

Mini-shoots will be held three weeks after Mother's Day, so if you plan to gift this as a surprise, that special Momma in your life will have plenty of time to prepare.

Spots are filling quickly! Contact me to reserve a time-slot.

The Nitty-Gritty Details

This photography discount applies to mini-sessions held on June 1, 2013 (or rain date June 2, 2013) only.
All sales are subject to a 7% Rhode Island state sales tax.
There are a limited number of time slots available. Your session is not considered reserved until the session fee and signed contract have been submitted.
Session fees are non-refundable.
Mini sessions will take place in the East Greenwich / North Kingstown, RI area. Contact Bethany for more specific location information.
Digital files are not included in the price of the mini-shoot but are available for purchase after a $300 print order.
Online gallery will be available for 21 days, during which time customer's print selections will be made. After 20 days, Bethany O Photography will re-host galleries upon request for a $40 re-host fee.
Online galleries will include 8-10 professionally edited digital files from which to make print selections.
Session fee includes one adult and up to two children for a 30-minute shoot. Additional children may be added for $25 each, which will include an additional 15 minutes of shoot time.
No substitutions may be made for the included 8x10 or three 5x7's, except for substituting smaller prints.
Facebook timeline header will be created from session photos as well as the Bethany O Photography logo.
By entering into contract with Bethany O Photography, you are bound and legally required to have a wicked fun time and to fall in love with your photos. Violators of this caveat will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

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Girls Gone Wild: Newsweek Edition

April 14, 2013

I'm trying to figure out whether a feminist would be offended by the title of this post.

Turns out, apparently I am (and have always been) a feminist, despite 1) not having known it and 2) the fact that I find the f-word itself to be inherently contradictory.

We feminists need a new marketing department.

[Fine then: one more side-note. Ladies and Gentlemen: you probably are feminists, too, even if you've burned less than one bra in your life. Brassiere Arson is not a prerequisite of feminism, in case you were as confused as I was.]

I, a feminist, am of the opinion that my post title is 98 parts witty, up to 2 parts offensive. I think I'm gonna leave it as is.

Because I'm liberated like that.

Anywho. If you follow me on Facebook (if not, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR EVER-LOVING MIND???), then you know I am very grateful to have been a guest at the Newsweek / Daily Beast "Women in the World" conference in NYC last week.

As you'll note in the stunning photo above, I was wearing a gorgeous, solid-plastic Press Pass as the perfect accessory to my yellow chemise and laptop clutch.

Wearing a press pass at Women in the World felt approximately as wrong as if I were an elitist at an equal-rights gathering (because that's how it sorta WAS), but I was entirely okay with it because I have decided that wearing a press pass is AWESOME. I skipped lines, got great seats and had a heart-to-heart with one of the most talented actresses of all time, for crying out loud.

[Readers! Please recognize that I am using the previous paragraph as a means of demonstrating that it is easy to become complacent about inequalities when you are the person of privilege. You will quickly come to realize that I am not acting like a Snobby Press Pass Elitist here; I'm simply exposing my inner thoughts as a means of shining a light upon unprincipled human tendencies, as any good martyr would do! You're welcome!]

But this leads me to deeper and much more serious thoughts, which I'm saving for a separate post.

Incidentally, pretty soon, The Daily Beast and/or Newsweek are going to publish an article that I am writing regarding my reflections on the event.

[As of the writing of today's post, both publications are as yet unawares of their forthcoming plans to publish my work, but likely you have arrived here in the near future entirely BECAUSE you have linked here from one of those publications, so there I go proving one of Oprah's points that dreams are more likely to come true if you write them down.]

Now. Am I worried that I could suffer great embarrassment if I tell you that I plan to be published by the Daily Beast and then that plan flops on its face? HAHAHA - NO!!! (The callus on my Embarrassment Nerve tripled in size after this gem, Dahlings!)

But am I worried that I have not tweaked this post enough and am thereby exposing myself to much possible miscommunication in the process? HAHAHA - OF COURSE I AM!! I am ALWAYS concerned about how I am impacting people and what everybody thinks of me, Sillies!

I think most of us worry about these things. That's okay...as long as we do the things we need to do anyway.

Can somebody tell me where I was going with this post?

Oh: right!

I sat down to tell you that the Women in the World conference was a chillingly inspiring event relevant to both women AND men, and its take-aways deserve to be preserved…thoughtfully, and with great heart.

So I'm going to write about it. As best I can.

Today's post was just a filler for the meantime. Like quinoa. Which, incidentally, is a grain enjoyed by Press Pass Elitists and other privileged societies throughout the world.

One more thing. Please remember this:

Hope you are well.

Talk to you soon.

Love,

The Reluctant (Non-Bra-Arsonist) Feminist, Bethany

***

PS: If you want to see any of the speeches from the event, videos are here.

You can't go wrong with ANY of the presenters. Personally, I found the most inspiring talk to be the one titled, "The Next Generation of Malalas."

But BEFORE you watch that talk, watch this ten-minute documentary about the incredible work Humaira is doing in Pakistan.

We could all take a lesson from Humaira and Khalida's bravery.

You can donate to Humaira's cause here.

***

Are you going to make me beg you to "like" this post?

Because I will. I aint too proud to beg, home-fries. :)

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Bethany O's Catching the Light Blog

Great news for fellow photography-lovers!

FAQ's

Announcing...

Awesomeness.

BAM.

Mini-sessions**.

What You Want.

Based on feedback.

How Will It Work?

Then What?

Magic, that's what.

What If I Want to Buy More?

Can I do that?

How Do I Reserve My Spot?

It's easy-peasy. (Lemon-squeezy.)

Why Mini-Sessions Are the Answers to Your Holiday Wishes.

I'mma tell you.

Who Should Consider a Mini-Session?

Good News for Recent Clients, too.

You will not be left out of the fun, my Lovely Peeps!

Don't Forget!!

These sessions are limited and are expected to sell out.

Hold Up. Just a Second.

It's the Holidays. So Let's Share the Love.

Important Footnotes.

Thank you for being you. Thank you for the unique light you bring to this world. And thank you for your interest in my photography!

Remember: Santa's Watching!

So Don't Forget to share this! :)

What's YOUR McDonald's?

What can you do to be an elephant today?

Namaste, Loves.

The Nitty-Gritty Details